The symbol of this blog, Desperate Dan, the comic book superhero who never hurt a fly, stands in the centre of Dundee with his dog, Gnasher, surveying the citizens as they go about their business. He tells me that he was moved last week by the Muslim students who offered flowers and peaceful verses from the Qur’an to their fellow Dundonians as a gesture of solidarity with the victims of Jihadist violence everywhere.

” Nice boys and girls,” he says, “I’d be burstin’ wi’ pride if they were my kids.”

“Did they change your picture of Islam?” I ask.

“Aw definitely, definitely,” he tells me, “And they had nice peaceful verses from their holy book, eh? ”

“So you don’t think there’ll be any Jihadists in Dundee?”

” Naw, but see if they tried. this is Scotland after all. They’d get a smart kick in the nuts from me and the arse torn oot their  troosers by Gnasher.”

I was silent, comforted by his homely belligerence, but feeling slightly guilty that I didn’t respond to the Muslim initiative with quite as much enthusiasm as he did. For although I admire the sincerity and goodwill of these students, I know, as they do, that the Qur’an contains other verses which appear to promote violence against non- believers, just as there is material in the Bible which does the same.

The truth is that decent Christians and Muslims are nicer than the worst bits of their scriptures. I mean, Desperate Dan might enjoy a punch-up, but he wouldn’t want men women and children massacred, as God commanded Joshua, or sinners fried in hell forever, as it is written, Jesus did. He confirms this when I confide my thought to him.

“I’m no’ saying I wouldnae scald their bums for a long weekend, but no’ forever, an’ don’t forget, it’s a life sentence for the stokers as well, eh no?”

I conceal from him my own less generous hope that certain tyrants and bullies will end up stuck for eternity upside down in the Tay Estuary Large Sewage Outflow.(LSO). But I am still plagued by the thought that decent people may be made worse by religion and that bad people may be turned into monsters. The only way in which Christian people can help their Muslim friends with this issue is to show a a good example. Perhaps a public bonfire of biblical nonsense might be a good start?

Maybe we could have a special ritual for this.

(Here I have to introduce my foreign readers to the Scots word, “mince” which in this usage  does not refer to minced meat but to verbal material which is factually or intellectually null, that is, total nonsense.)

A large fire is kindled in a public place. Then shall the celebrant take a piece of cardboard with the offending verse named and printed, and shall read it aloud, thus:

CELEBRANT. Joshua chapter 17 from verse 2: If there is anybody, man or woman, who goes and serves other gods and worships them, ……… you must stone that man or woman to death.

Is this THE WORD OF GOD, brothers and sisters, or is it MINCE? LET THE PEOPLE SPEAK.

PEOPLE: Lo it is MINCE.

CELEB: You say it is MINCE?

PEOPLE: Yea, assuredly it is TOTAL MINCE

CELEB: Therefore it is cast into the FLAMES

PEOPLE: And its SMOKE goes up forever.

The ceremony could easily include Leviticus 18/ 22 ( same sex intercourse an abomination) Joshua 6/17 ( God commands all inhabitants of a captured city put to death) Matthew 25/46 (these will go to eternal punishment) plus many more.

CELEB: Why are these holy verses thrown to the FLAMES?

PEOPLE: For they are all TOTAL MINCE

CELEB: YEA?

PEOPLE: YEA AND AMEN.

In whose name would this ceremony take place? Well, of course in the name of Jesus Christ who was executed because, amongst other dodgy behaviour, he told people that bits their scripture were mince. (see MATTHEW 5/ 20-48) 

We cannot and would not want to erase these offending scriptures as if they had not been ever been part of our holy books. That would be dishonest, and would prevent people examining them and making up their own minds about them. But the ceremony would be repeated every year to make sure believers and non-believers alike would be liberated from the power of bad teaching.

“That’s finger-lickin’ good,” Dan says, exhibiting his transatlantic idiom, when I outline my proposal to him. “An’ I’d be delighted tae be the celebrity in charge!”

” Celebrant,” I say.

” I said celebrity,” says Desperate Dan, ” an’ maybe if I ask them, some of they nice Muslim people will bring some of their own mince………”

( I wonder if all this rules out putting  Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump in the LSO for at least part of eternity?)

 

No this is not the latest initiative  from the EU Common Agricultural Policy, but rather the closing words of the French national anthem, which supporters of all nationalities are being urged to sing this evening at Wembley, where France meets England in a friendly football match. Yes, of course, I’m not daft, I know national anthems are relics from the past, and the most conservative French people sing this revolutionary song without reserve. It reflects something noble, the fight against oppression, as well as something dangerous, the demonisation of a enemy, which means their lifeblood can be used as a fertiliser.

It’s understandable that French people should want to express their patriotism in the face of random killings, and that other democratic societies should express solidarity with them. But an uncritical wave of democratic self- righteousness may not be helpful. After all, Daesh did not invent the killing of civilians for political purposes, it has been used in tribal and national wars for thousands of years – think of God’s command in the Bible that all inhabitants of a conquered town should be killed, men, women, children and even domestic animals. And the modern use of mass killing of civilians was pioneered by Germany in the Second World War, closely followed by Britain in its raids on Dresden and the USA in its atomic bombing of Hirishima and Nagasaki.

Of course there’s a difference between our use of civilian killing and that of Daesh: ours was for righteous purposes and was far more effective than theirs. But who judges what is righteous in these matters? Doubtless Daesh members feel sincerely that opposition to what they see as Western oppression of Moslems is righteous.

Some readers will be impatient with this sort of reflection as it merely sows uncertainty at a time when our response to appalling cruelty ought to be sure and clear.

I agree. I think Christian believers should be absolutely clear what their tradition demands of them, basing their response on the teaching and example of Jesus and the early church.

Jesus was utterly opposed to violence against the oppressive power of Rome. He lived in an occupied territory but refused to ally himself with the resistance movement which engaged in a guerrilla struggle with the occupying power. Although proud of his Jewish heritage he never said anything which identified him with the national interests of Israel. Nevertheless,  his announcement of the “rule of God” was a definite and peaceful challenge to the rule of Rome, Herod and The High Priesthood. He was killed because he made this challenge.

The first Christian communities very quickly identified themselves as multinational, but refused to give their total allegiance to the multinational Empire and its rulers, proclaiming instead their loyalty to the one God and to a new multi- ethnic community of believers. They refused to burn incense to the Emperor as a God and to serve in the armed forces of the Empire. For these reasons they were persecuted many times over a period of  almost three hundred years, but succeeded in surviving and expanding all over the known world.

The Christian tradition is clear:

1. Believers must serve their neighbours, communities and nations but should not give their primary allegiance to any nation.
2. Believers should give their primary allegiance to God and to God’s Justice in the world, with a special concern for their fellow believers of all nationalities.
3. Believers should, like Jesus, fight injustice and evil, through solely peaceful means.
4. Believers should refuse to engage in nationalistic or sectarian propaganda even in response to violent provocation, but should communicate the gospel by word and action.

So, although I love France and its civil society, and am always moved by the Marseillaise, I will not urge its citizens to water their fields with the blood of their enemies.

Jesus said, ” there is no sound tree that produces rotten fruit, nor again a rotten tree that produces sound fruit. Every tree can be told by its own fruit: people don’t pick figs from thorns nor gather grapes from brambles. Good people draw good from the store of goodness in their hearts; bad people draw bad things from the store of badness in their hearts. For the words of the mouth flow out of what fills the heart.”

I’m preaching on this passage on Sunday and it’s giving me trouble. When you first read it you think it’s just common sense. But after a moment or two you realise how radical and dismaying it is. For those who know that they do and say bad things are confronted with the diagnosis that it comes from the badness within them. They are rotten trees. And how can a rotten tree do anything about its rottenness? If Jesus, supposedly the hope of sinful people, is as unhopeful as this, where can hope be found? Is there in this saying of Jesus some lurking moral determinism, even perhaps some predestination? You’re either a sound tree or a rotten tree and you can’t do much about it.

I decide to take this to the man himself.

M. Well for starters Jesus I suppose I should ask if you really said this, as your gospellers were a bit free with the record of your teaching….

Jesus. So you say. In fact each of them tried to make their story consistent with what their communities knew of me as a living presence, just as you’re doing now…

M. Don’t play games with me, this is serious, did you say it, yes or no?

J. Can you remember every word you said? But yes, it sounds like me and I agree with it.

M. O.K. we’re getting somewhere now. You see the problem I imagine?

J. You mean I should be able to imagine what you see as the problem?

M. The problem is that rotten trees can’t change what’s inside them, so they’ll continue to do bad things, won’t they?

J: You may remember that I am also reported as telling people they had to change and receive God’s way like little children, or as my servant John put it, be born from above. I never pretended the change was easy or superficial.

M. But surely the woman who was a known sinner, or Matthew the tax-collector, were rotten trees, because they had done bad things…so how did they become sound?

J. Come on, you should know that picture language can’t do everything. If I talk about sound and rotten trees I also know there are many in between. Don’t assume that notorious sinners are the worst. They have gone wrong in ways that can easily be seen. But it wasn’t the prostitutes and tax- collectors that killed me. Matthew was a much sounder tree than some Pharisees.

M. Yes, yes, I can see that, but it doesn’t alter the issue and you haven’t really answered my question about how a rotten tree can change. Even a little bit rotten is still rotten.

J. Of course the picture language only takes us so far; human beings can decide to change, whereas trees can’t. But a city man like you doesn’t know a lot about trees. Trees try to be sound; if there is nourishment to make them sound, they’ll draw it in; if not, in extreme cases they’ll almost shut down to make best use of the  nourishment they have. If their roots don’t immediately find food, they don’t give up but stretch and twist until they do. In my tradition of faith, there is a poem about a tree that’s planted by the waterside, which remains green and provides fruit in due season. It’s a picture of the sound person.

M. So what is the nourishment that makes a person sound?

J. In the poem, it’s the Torah, God’s commandment.

M. If that was a sufficient answer, there would have been no point in your ministry. You didn’t teach the law!

J. I used the language of trees to make sure nobody underestimated either goodness or badness. Both have their integrity. Good actions spill out from a good heart; evil actions from an evil heart. So it is not just a matter of changing the actions, the person has to change.

M. But the law is a matter of changing the actions!

J. Not at all. the Law is the way in which God forgives us and changes us. That’s the good news. God’s law is not a means of condemning us or a way of changing our actions while our hearts remain the same. It’s God’s wholehearted forgiveness and wisdom for making us sound. The rotten tree can be changed.

M. You think commandments can do that?

J. The Law of God is far more than commandments, it’s the whole story of my people, but yes, I do think commandments are creative, else why would I have given so many? Commandments put people in the way of God’s goodness. Give and God will give to you. Forgive and you will be forgiven. God’s wisdom directs people to the waterside and the nourishment that makes them sound.

M. So Paul was wrong about the Law?

J. No, Paul was not wrong. Waken up and read the scripture so that you get its meaning not just its words. What would it be like if on Sundays if your people just listened to your words and not to the truth you want to convey?

M. I think you have answered my question. Only I can never tell whether you’re real or a creature of my imagination.

J. Or both?

I see that Pope Francis has come up against Jesus’ annoying habit of being definite. I refer of course to the Synod of bishops in which Francis urged compassion in dealing with remarried divorcees but found himself on the wrong end of quotations from the teaching of Jesus. For it is notorious that Jesus did not advocate something vague like compassion on divorced people but said that they were committing adultery if they remarried. It seemed to some bishops that approving adultery could hardly be viewed as compassion. It could never be compassionate to lead a person into something wrong or to excuse something wrong that they had done. The problem is that compassion requires us to help a person towards what is right, which means we have to have a clear view of right and wrong.

In this case, Christian believers should have a good look at Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce.

The fullest version of this teaching is found in Mark 10 verses 1-12; although briefer versions are found in Matthew 5:32 and Luke 16:18. Here’s the Mark:

10 He left that place and went to the region of Judea and[a] beyond the Jordan. And crowds again gathered around him; and, as was his custom, he again taught them.

2 Some Pharisees came, and to test him they asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’ 3 He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ 4 They said, ‘Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.’ 5 But Jesus said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. 6 But from the beginning of creation, “God made them male and female.” 7 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,[b] 8 and the two shall become one flesh.” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.’

10 Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.’

It really does sound extreme, doesn’t it?

Of course we know that the whole story of Jesus was handed on by the first Christian communities and their teachers, not to mention the gospel writers themselves who used what they were given with some freedom. We cannot be sure in any instance that we have got the exact words of Jesus, but we can be reasonably sure that we are given the message of Jesus as understood by the writer. One device of the writers is to give the core of Jesus’ teaching in the context of an incident and to add their interpretation of it it as “Jesus’ explanation to his disciples.” This device allowed for changes and additions to what was the agreed “word of the Lord.” In this case the words about a woman divorcing her husband have been added, to meet the needs of people living under Roman Civil Law, which unlike Jewish law allowed women to divorce husbands. There is a sense here that the teaching is being used as community law and therefore has to be expanded to apply to gentile society.

The core of the teaching however is pretty plain. Moses in Jesus’ view, had moved away from the real intention of God in allowing men to divorce their wives with a writ of divorce, because otherwise they would simply have thrown them out. The existence of divorce customs according to Jesus is a sop to the hard – heartedness of men, in a  society where women were materially dependent on their husbands.

Jesus in this instance acts like a radical rabbi, quoting one piece of scripture against another and indicating that only one represents the original intention of the creator God. For Jesus the Genesis scripture that makes men and women the equal creation of God and the equal bearers of his likeness also shows the sexual partnership of male and female as a fundamental unity in the eyes of God. According to Jesus, this unity should not be torn apart in divorce. Indeed, in God’s eyes the unity still exists after divorce making any new sexual partnership into adultery. The intention of God according to Jesus is that the sexual relationship of man and woman should be exclusive and lifelong.

This teaching is so bold, fresh and awkward that it’s very likely to have come from Jesus. But as it became the basis of community law in the developing churches, other elements were added. In Matthew’s version, there is an exception made in the case of a wife’s infidelity. Paul has to deal with cases where believers wanted to divorce their unbelieving spouses. Eventually the church developed disciplines which included excommunicating those who ignored the church’s teaching on divorce and remarriage.

We should try to distinguish the teaching of Jesus from the practice of the church.

He teaches that as against all the hard- heartedness of men in a patriarchal society. God intends that the sexual partnership of men and women should be exclusive and lifelong. We do not know what Jesus thought about homosexual relationships if he knew of any, or indeed about the sexual behaviour of young unmarried men and women. We do know that he saw a purpose of the creator fulfilled in marriage – “be fruitful and multiply”- and the unity of husband and wife as an image of the “oneness” of God. The mutual faithfulness of husband and wife mirrors the faithfulness of God to his/her own nature and to the creation. It is one of things God saw as ‘good’ that is, good for his creatures.

I realise that non-believers will find all this peculiar and irrelevant. Surely we don’t need to go to some obscure Jewish text for an understanding of marriage, or even to Jesus, a man who lived in a very different sort of  society from ours, a long time ago. My own view is that even agnostics and atheists can benefit from Jesus’ teaching, but certainly those who have chosen to follow Jesus, should take his teaching very seriously indeed.

My own Church of Scotland has taken the view that although we should uphold lifelong faithful marriage as the intention of God, and the intention of couples when they marry, we should recognise that people make mistakes, that one or both partners may cruel and damaging to the other, or they may separate completely, and that therefore divorce happens. The church’s pastoral task is to support those marriages which can be rebuilt, and to support the separated partners if the marriage has broken down completely. The church also recognises and supports the new marriages of people who have been divorced, as well the loneliness of those who believe they should not marry again. Above all, however the church celebrates faithful sexual partnerships as a a profound joy and fulfilment of human potential.

In other words my church affirms an intention of God but accepts that even God can’t always get what he wants. When people fail to live up to God’s intention, we should help them cope with that failure without condemnation, and encourage them to try again if they want to do so. But we should not abandon the teaching of Jesus with its blunt assertion that sexual faithfulness is what we are made for. Compassion should require us to apply that teaching in our own relationships, and to help others to do so.

No one is forced to follow the way of Jesus, but those who so choose should be aware that by the standards of liberal democracy, they’re dealing with an extremist.

It’s characteristic of modern and post- modern societies to have sympathy for the Devil. There’s no evidence for such a thing in medieval society, where the power and destructiveness of the Prince of evil is off-limits, except to the damned. In the early modern era Christopher Marlowe created a sympathetic but terrible Mephistopheles in his Faustus, as Goethe also did,albeit in a different way, in his  Faust 200 years later. In my own time sympathy for the Devil and for his followers is common. Although the span of my life has contained numerous appalling examples of the power of evil, from Hitler to ISIL, our culture has moved away from any serious philosophy of good and evil towards a view that these absolute categories are not very helpful in preventing evil actions. Something less ambitious, capable of seeing some wrongness in even the best people and some good even in the worst, with a corresponding lack of conviction about the value of punishment, has been more common

In this culture the idea of a punishing God makes no sense. If there is a God, which many doubt, then surely he/she is responsible for everything including the evil and has no right to punish. God’s love is emphasised by theologians at the expense of his judgement. Punishment of evil however was one of the ways in which people imagined God taking responsibility for his flawed creation. Modern theologies often seem to present a well-meaning God who wrings his ineffectual hands while evil continues.

Jesus was quite aware that human beings create their Gods; he himself imagined a Heavenly Father who loved his creation, yet punished those who worked against his wish to perfect it. Jesus’ teaching about punishment is probably the most direct and extreme in the bible. Again and again he sets out his view of God’s rescuing justice, and goes on to imagine his punishment of those who oppose it. God’s commandment is clear and strict; those who have disobeyed it can find forgiveness and turn their lives around but those who never turn are warned they are heading  for hell. Fire, darkness and separation from all good are included in Jesus’ imagining of God’s judgement. Death is the cut-off point. The rich man who ignores the poor man at his gate gets off with it in life but in death he is punished apparently without mercy. Those who have done nothing for the least important of their brothers and sisters, are permitted not to do so in this present age, but in the time of the great judgement they are cast into outer darkness, apparently without promise of parole.

Jesus never luxuriates in this sort of scenario, but simply mentions it as if were a thing that all should know. Of course he is talking in picture language about God, but the picture itself is clear: believing in the God of Jesus means believing in clear commandments, with rewards for obedience and penalties for disobedience. This may seem extreme to people who want to be more forgiving towards human evil than Jesus was.

I happen to imagine, that the purpose of God’s punishments is restoration. They are designed to burn out the evil from human souls, as they are in Dante’s Purgatory. Like Dante however I also believe that there are those who will continue to refuse all goodness and may be headed for what the book of Revelation calls the second death, that is utter extinction.

But about Jesus saving us? I’m sure he wants to rescue us from evil and that God’s love in him can enable us to turn our lives around. But I don’t think he rescues us from the consequences of our wrongness, either in this world or the next, and there’s no evidence that Jesus thought differently.

I see our beloved PM has been preaching again about opposing extremism and strengthening British values. In particular he seems agitated about “extremist narratives” by which he means any historical narrative about the UK which doesn’t sound like one of Uncle David’s bedtime stories, in which the UK is always Mr. Wonderful, bringing peace and sanity to a troubled world.

My guess is that almost all imperial powers have told this story about themselves, including the Romans, which has led me to the discovery of an alternative  and more accurate account of Jesus’ conversation with Pilate.

Pilate: You can leave us, soldier, I don’t think the Son of God will attack me.

Soldier: Sir!

Pilate: You may be seated.

Jesus: Thank you.

Pilate. Of course we know a deal about you from our spies, but Jesus of…Nazareth? Where is it exactly? I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of passing through it

J: It’s in Galilee, near the Lake, not far from Capernaum. My family has a builder’s business there. For most of my life I worked in it.

P: Before your eh, radicalisation?

J: I learned a great deal from the Prophet John, called the Dipper.

P: A good and harmless man put to death by your corrupt King.

J: Just so.

P: Perhaps your dislike of Herod sparked your ambition to be a king?

J: I’ve been advocating God’s Rule which doesn’t depend on worldly power.

P: The sort of power on which Rome depends, you mean?

J: Yes.

P: And that’s what leads you to hold secret gatherings of vast crowds in desert places, many of whom think you are the anointed one, the true king of Israel as opposed to filthy Gentiles like us?

J: I have never encouraged that sort of talk…

P: But clearly you haven’t discouraged it much, as we got it from several of your followers…one of whom,a certain Shimon, we know as a member of the so-called Zealots….

J: Ex- member.

P: Of course you would say that. We don’t object to religion however daft it may be, but when religion gets mixed up with anti- Roman propaganda and a doubtful narrative which depicts the Jews as victims and the Romans as oppressors, we know we’re half – way to another Messianic rebellion!

J: Violent words and actions are foreign to God’s way.,

P : Yet one of our men heard you say that you had not come to bring peace, but a sword!

J: I was using a metaphor to  describe the effect of God’s rule on family life.

P: But you did say it knowing that your words would be reported….and how people might understand them. Come on Jesus, you have become a powerful man, with influence over the lives of many people. And you have no respect for Roman values.

Jesus: I haven’t come across any Roman values, but I’m sure if I did I would give them the respect they’re due…

P: It’s that kind of disrespect which has landed you here in my power.

J: I recognise your office, Pontius, but I am not in your power. Do tell me about these Roman values.

P: Your use of my name is impertinent. I am due your respect as the representative of the Roman values of order, law, peace, communication, commerce, art  and philosophy. In our short rule of your country we have improved the whole level of civilisation, especially the infrastructure, like roads. Many of them are now safe for all travellers. We have helped people live a more rational life.

J: As long as they agree that you should be in charge. Don’t you see how this contributes to the common story in these parts that you are a young arrogant power incapable of recognising any civilisation except your own?

P: That’s just the sort of extreme narrative we have to defeat, because angry young men are radicalised by it and turned into the sort of extremist thugs that have made suicidal attacks on our off- duty soldiers. I’m sure you don’t approve of that any more than I do, and I hope that you’ll denounce it along with me.

J: You denounce the petty violence of local people, while you ignore the seven hills of violence on which Rome is built. I, on the other hand have denounced all forms of violence…..

P: How I wish I was back home on one of these hills rather than stuck here dealing with irrational assasins and sons of God!

J: This son of God wishes you well, Pontius, but can’t you see that every time you execute a Zealot or even a son of God, you add another chapter to the story of Rome as an empire of blood?

P: But will you still wish me well, Jesus of Nazareth, when I put you on one of our stakes,as you know I must, for the price of order is unflinching severity.

J: Yes, even then, for the price of justice is unflinching love.

P: Maybe you are more dangerous to Rome than the most violent assasins. I can imagine how your followers will tell your story…..and mine.

J: It’s not fixed in advance, Pontius, you get to write your own part.

P: But I must hold to my duty and my Roman values. Farewell, son of God. Guards!

I’m just gearing myself up to deal with this question when my Aunt Ethel interrupts. She’s a staunch member of a  Baptist church in Wolverhampton.

Aunt Ethel: Now just hang on a minute before you start! Be careful what you’re saying. Your church and churches like it may be empty, but our church and churches like ours are well – attended and full of young people too.

Me:  Maybe so, Aunt Ethel,  but they are still a minority……

Aunt Ethel: Don’t patronise me with statistics young man! I’ll tell you why ours is full and yours is empty. It’s because you have abandoned the gospel! It’s because you have dishonoured the Word of God in the Bible by preaching all kinds of new- fangled things like being nice to Muslims and homosexuals. That’s why your church is empty……

Me: But these are important issues that have to be faced….

Aunt Ethel: Yes, but they have to be faced with the truth of God’s Word. People are not looking for some wispy-washy liberal stuff when they come to church. They want certainty.  A clear-cut Gospel with clear-cut standards. A teaching that leads society instead of following it. And I not just talking about older people, it’s young people too. They want certainty as well.

Me: You mean the sort of certainty the Muslims have?

Aunt Ethel: Exactly! You don’t find them apologising for Allah…….. Eh, well, of course I don’t mean what they believe of course, that’s all lies, but their assurance, their certainty….

Me: I don’t see how you can call it lies, Aunty-after all it’s all written down in a holy book that contains God’s truth. As you say, it gives them complete certainty – apart from the way one lot of them disagrees with the other. But yes, they all are certain. How can you say they are wrong?

Aunt Ethel: Because the Bible is God’s Word while their Qur’an is the words of human beings.

Me: While they would say that the Qur’an is God’s Word while the bible is the word of human beings. And they’re so certain that if you insult their holy book, they’ll stone you to death. All of that admirable certainty leads to killing.

Aunt Ethel: I’ve got confused in here. In the end of the day my church is not preaching the Bible it is preaching Jesus Christ as our saviour, who died for our sins and gains us salvation and a place in heaven! That’s the real certainty. The rest is important, but that’s the message. A lot of your churches don’t preach salvation any more.

Me: I grew up in a gospel church so there’s something there I agree with. But you know all I ever heard about Jesus as child and a young man was how he died on the cross for my salvation. He was supposed to be important but his life didn’t seem to matter. Yes, he was born of a virgin, did  some miracles, died and rose again…..

Aunt Ethel: What could be more important than Jesus being my saviour?

Me: I don’t doubt your salvation Auntie, but I want to ask you a question: do you like Jesus ?

Aunt Ethel: What in earth do you mean? I love Jesus as my saviour!

Me: But do you like him? I mean, for example, he associated with tax collectors and prostitutes.

Aunt Ethel: I don’t think the better of him for it, but I suppose he had to save them.

Me: And he attacked people who were sure of their salvation  and looked down on others…

Aunt Ethel: But it was just a Jewish salvation….

Me: And he criticised the holy scriptures….

Aunt Ethel: No he did not!

Me: He did you know. He said, the Law says this but I say that. He challenged the Scripture in God’s name.

Aunt Ethel: You’re right. I’m not sure if I like him. I prefer to love him as my saviour!

Me: My saviour too I hope. The saviour of the world. I like your enthusiasm for Jesus. I like your church’s determination to reach out with the gospel. We’ve a lot to learn from you. But we also have to know our saviour as a troubling difficult man who hated religious certainties but loved sinners and poor people. We have to reckon with the fact that maybe the clearer we are about his message, the less popular it will be.

Aunt Ethel: ( starts humming “O Happy Day”)

Me: (joins in)

Aunt Ethel: See, that’s the Gospel !

Me: But only if we remember the real Jesus. We’ll talk again Aunty.

A storm on the Mediterranean. An overcrowded motorboat is wallowing in the waves while another vessel pulls away.

Voice 1: Hey, you can’t leave us here with no petrol……

Voice 2: Come back, there are kids here and a baby, come back, you promised to get us to Greece!!

Voice 3: We paid you well, a thousand a family, and now you ditched us. Bastards!

Voice 1: Well, they’re gone and won’t be back. We better do what we can.

Voice 3: Don’t be a fool! There’s nothing we can do. No gas, no engine, no oars, in the midst of a storm. We’re dead pal.

Voice 2: Don’t say that. We’ve got our kids here. We need to fight for them.

Voice 1: I’ve got an idea! Listen everybody!

Voice 3: Quit wailing would you and listen to the man. Quiet!

Voice 1: If we can’t keep the boat moving the storm will sink us. So, check your belongings for anything , shirts, dresses, coats, we could use as storm sails. And don’t hide anything in your bags. Better to reach land naked than die at sea! So now, look, everybody!

Voice 2: Well done, that’s got them.

Voice 3 : They’re all looking …

Voice 2: Except that man at the back there, he’s doing nothing at all….

Voice 1: It’s almost like he was sleeping…..Good God……or …maybe dead?

Voice 3: Hey at the back there! Yes, there. Check the bloke behind you. He’s not moving…..

Voice 4: Here’s a sheet, will that do?

Voice 5: I’ve got a linen cloak, how about that?

Voice 6: Hey! Up front! This guy is OK he was sleeping, but he’s a troublemaker!

Voice 2: Just ignore him…… Look for sails…..

Voice 1: What sort of trouble?

Voice 6: Says he’s Jesus!

Voice 5: Leave him to me. He’s taking the piss because he knows we’re Christians.

Voice 4: Yeah, that’s what got us into this boat, he’s having a laugh….

Voice 5: Listen you, yeah you at the back, shut your face and look for sails like the rest of us. And no more about being Jesus or we’ll beat the shit outa you….

Jesus: But I am Jesus, I’m sorry I was sleeping while everyone was helping…..

Voice 6: Isn’t there a Bible story………….?

Voice 1: Never mind all that. give me a hand to fix this sheet to the mast to give the boat some movement…

Voice7: Yeah but wait a minute, maybe he is Jesus, and maybe he can save us just like on the Sea of Galilee,

Voice 5: He was sleeping on the boat and his disciples woke him up and he told the wind and the waves to cease and there was a great calm.

Several Voices: Jesus! Lord Jesus! Have mercy upon us. We’re all sinners, except these little children. Have mercy upon them. Speak to the wind and tell the waves to be still. Save us, Lord before we all die!

Jesus: I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do more than you’re doing already.

Voice 6: Don’t give us that stuff. You’re the Son of God, of course you can do anything!

Jesus: That would be nice, but truly I can do no more than you…

Voice 1: Listen! Ignore him.He’s some kind of nutter. Leave him be. Concentrate on keeping calm, looking after the kids and helping me. She’s beginning to pull through the waves.

Voice 3: Yeah, listen to him. He’s more use than Jesus, poor daft bugger…..